Does your husband sulk and "go into his cave" when you have a disagreement? How do you handle this behavior? Do you freak out and try to get him to talk to you? Do you decide to ignore him too? Does it become a power struggle to see who will talk first? Conflicts in marriage are inevitable.
Even the best marriages have conflicts.
The difference is in the way the couples address the conflict.
If you're wondering what you can do that will help the situation, here are a few ideas: oWhen he comes around, act as if everything is all right between you.
I don't mean pretend there is no problem.
I mean simply greet him as if he is not sulking.
Talk to him in a normal tone of voice about normal, everyday things.
oDon't address the conflict while he is still "in his cave.
" Give him time to deal with it in his own head.
Meanwhile, resist the temptation to talk him out of his feelings.
Go about your normal routine or take time to pamper yourself.
Caution: this does not mean going on an expensive shopping spree that will lead to more conflict later.
oWhen he does decide he has worked out the conflict in his own way, refrain from saying sarcastic things like, "It's about time you stopped pouting" or "I wondered when you'd finally get over yourself.
" That is, unless you want to continue the conflict.
Give him a break when he is dealing with stuff that stresses him out.
John Gottman, PhD, is the author of Why Marriage Succeed or Fail.
His 20 years of research with couples revealed that men quickly get overloaded physiologically when dealing with conflict with their wives.
They need to mull it over in their own heads so that they can calm themselves.
Give your husband the time to do this while you take care of yourself and see if the "cave time" is reduced as a result.
If you have difficulties that you would like to deal with, relationship coaching can be a big help.
Your relationship is not "mentally ill.
" You just need a tune up to get your marriage back on track.
Ask me how I can help!