As parents we all make mistakes, as divorced parents some of us make even worse mistakes. Don't allow your stress to cause your children stress and rob them of their childhood. Our children are not responsible for our feelings, our needs and they should not be put in a position of having to take on adult responsibilities. We can leave them holding the bag just because we decided to divorce. 

After divorce parents may compensate by using their children to take over responsibilities the child is not mature enough to handle.

A single mother with a second job may depend on her daughter to take up the slack at home, because she has no time or energy.

A single father, who doesn’t see his children as often as he wishes may discuss his loneliness with his children in a way that causes them to feel responsible. What a burdent to put on children!

These are tips on how to not use your children to fill the gap left by an ex husband or wife or, the chaos of life as a single parent. Children have enough to cope with after divorce. Letting your child be a child; no matter what is going on in your life should be a priority.

Here's How:

1. Offer your children a secure environment. One in which they know they are safe and protected by an adult. Where they don't have to carry more responsibility than they are equipped to carry. Put too much of a load on your children and you won't have happy children.

2. Accept responsibility for parental activities. It is OK to give a child chores but a child should not be doing all the cooking and cleaning just because mom or dad is not there to to get it done.

One single Mom I knew couldn't understand why her 7 year-old doctor started having seazures. Not until a doctor told her that the child was under monumental stress from having to babysit two younger siblings. 

3. No adult talk around your children. They don’t need to know if you are struggling financially, if you are stressed out or having problems with your ex. Talk to another adult about adult things. Your child is not your sounding board, your therapist or a good friend. It is your job to protect your child, not dump all your problems on your child. 

4. Have children sleep in their own beds, not your bed. If they need comfort at night then lay with them, in their beds until they fall asleep. Children need to know that you have confidence in their independence. Don't turn them into co-dependence by smothering them. 

5. Don’t make smaller children the responsibility of older siblings. If you need a babysitter, call a friend or family member. Babysitting is too much responsibility for any child under the age of 15 and only then should it be done periodically, not every day. 

6. When you start dating don’t bring your children into the process. Your children should not be involved in dating relationships until you find a long time partner. Seriously, if you dated someone three times, it isn't a long-term relationship, It's great but, encouraging your children to build a relationship with someone you aren't sure will be around for the long-term is akin to child abuse. Don't do it!

7. If you are using drugs or alcohol to help you deal with stress, stop. Children need a parent with a clear head. They also need the security of knowing that their parent is capable of handling any emergencies that may arise. If you are drunk or high around your children they feel alone and vulnerable. 

8. Make sure your child is exposed to other adults such as other family members, Grandparents and friends. This will give the child an opportunity to observe how adults act and behave responsibly. And the ability to hold your feet to the fire when it comes to parenting them properly!

9. Be careful about what you expect from your child. It is OK to promote responsibility. It isn’t OK to ask him / her to take on adult responsibilities.