The worst age for tantrums is between 2 to 3 years, often called the Terrible Twos.
However many children continue to have an occasional tantrum until they are 4 or 5 years old.
By this time it is usually easier to talk things through with them and avoid a full blown tantrum.
Tantrums are a normal part of development.
Tantrums usually get fewer as the child matures.
As children get older they learn to control their emotions and so do not have the frustration which can spark off a tantrum.
Some children will have more tantrums than other children.
Tantrums can often be called temper tantrums but there can be other emotions that may cause your child to behave this way.
Things that may cause tantrums Anger -- is the one that is usually associated with tantrums.
Your child is overloaded with anger and the tantrum is the pressure valve.
Frustration -- either by not being understood as language skills are still being learned, or not being able to do a particular activity like tying buttons.
Not getting his or her own way -- being refused something is a classic trigger.
Whether it is sharing a toy or getting a snack too near to dinner time.
Lack of independence -- your child may want to do things for himself and get upset when he is overruled.
Things like tying your child into his car seat will often start a tantrum.
Attention seeking -- this can happen when you give your child too much attention when he is having a tantrum.
This teaches him that having a tantrum will get him your attention, avoid this situation! Give praise and attention for good behaviour.
Tired, uncomfortable or hungry -- there is more chance of a tantrum when your child is already upset.
Tips on Avoiding Tantrums Here are a few things to try to cut down on this type of behaviour - Praise good behaviour -- this one really encourages your child to behave well.
Be a good example -- if you get angry quickly you are setting an example that your child will follow.
Offer alternatives -- so your child feels that he has some control in his life.
Ask what he wants to eat (for example, "Do you want peas or carrots with your lunch?") or what outfit he wants to wear today.
Redirect your child's attention -- you will probably be able to tell when your child is getting worked up and will have a tantrum, divert his attention to something else before he gets too upset.
Children of this age have a short attention span.
Avoid known triggers -- avoid situations that start tantrums when you can.
Try the 5 minute warning method of saying "It will be bedtime in 5 minutes, so you'll need to think about tidying up.
" That way the child knows that playtime is almost over.
Use age appropriate games and toys -- this will allow your child to succeed and avoid tantrums caused by frustration of not being able to do an activity.
How to Deal with Tantrums Sometimes you will be unable to avoid tantrums; here are a few ideas to help you deal with the situation.
Keep calm -- the most important one, even if you are not calm try to appear that you are -- it really does help.
Ignore the behaviour -- works best at the very start of a tantrum.
Walk away and pretend not to notice, avoid giving attention to this undesirable behaviour.
Redirect his attention -- often you can distract a toddler before the tantrum is full on, try "seeing something very interesting" somewhere else.
Hold your child -- and talk with a calm, quiet voice.
Again this only works at the start, once the tantrum is in full flow it can make things worse.
Time out -- once the tantrum is really going and you feel that you may lose your temper it can be a good idea to move your child somewhere safe where you can leave him for a few moments (not for longer than 2 minutes and only once the child is over 18 months).
For school age children you can send them to their rooms and they can come out when they have cooled down and are ready to behave.
This gives them some control too.
Time out works best for children who understand why it is being used.
Do not try to reason with a child who is having a tantrum.
Top Tip -- once the tantrum is over do not hold a grunge.
Cuddle your child and make up.
Be consistent.
So that your child understands that having a tantrum does not get him what he wants and you will not change your mind because of it.