Parents lack the ability to give proper feedback because when we were growing up, we were never told what to do instead.
You see, as we were growing up, we were doing our best to problem solve and to develop in a difficult world, but most times we were never taught what to do instead.
We were told "don't run, don't play with your food, don't jump on the couch, don't talk back, or don't take things without asking...
" Please understand that this is a bad set up and creates a natural conflict because it is physical possible to...
To run, to play with food, to jump on the couch, to talk back, and to take things without asking...
Growing up, we had no direction on what we should be doing instead.
I would like to take the time now, to change our early programming that we faced growing up.
I am about to discuss how you can give the proper feedback to your child, in a way that they won't feel rejected and in a way that points out what they are doing like mirror.
Thus the child will we told what he or she can do instead.
The technique is simple.
The next time your child is running in the house instead of saying...
"Stop" "Don't do that" "What are you doing" "Why are you running in the house?" You can say...
"Steve you are running in the house right now...
go back to the front door, and walk to where you originally going.
" (All stated in a calm, cool, collected tone of voice.
) The reason why it is important to do this is because when the child is around the house and comfortable and might be excited he might just start running.
Or he may be purposefully running...
either way this put shows them and puts a mirror to their action without putting them down.
Really it's like taking a Kodak pictures that shows them what they look like with your words, because they cannot observe themselves.