Question: 

I have two friends who recently fought with each other. One friend feels betrayed by something the other one did. Now, that friend wants me to stop seeing the other one.

I'm good friends with both, and I hope they work through this. But in the meantime, I don't want to end my friendship with one of them just because the other one did something bad. She didn't do it to me, and I feel like this issue with my two friends has nothing to do with me. What should I do?

Answer:

It seems as if one of your friends is giving you an ultimatum, which never works very well in friendship. Besides, as you say, the issue is between the two of them, and not you.

However, since one friend has issued you a challenge of sorts (don't see the other friend) you have to decide what to do. It should be noted that ignoring this demand and pretending to just keep things the way they were is a choice. In other words, even if you "do nothing" in this matter, you'll still be doing something. You've been dragged into an argument that isn't yours, and you're now required to respond.

Here are your choices:

• You can choose to "do nothing," meaning that you'll ignore your friend's request to avoid the other friend. The risk is that you'll develop a problem with this friend, or even lose the friendship because your friend feels that you're not "on her side."

• You can try to have the two friends talk to one another and work things out. This can be tricky. While you might have the best intentions in this, one or both friends may resent you doing this. A good way to approach it is to email them both and say, "I care about both of you and would like to help any way I can in this argument. Can the three of us sit down and talk, with me just as a sounding board? I just want to help you both come to an understanding."

• You can abide by your friend's request and stop talking to the other friend. By doing this, however, you'll be making their argument your issue as well. This can happen when someone feels so strongly about what one friend did to the other that they, too, no longer wish to have this person in their life.

• You can talk with the friend who made this request and tell her that you don't want to lose her as a friend, but that you feel you can't just end the other friendship because of what happened. Ask her why it is so important to her that you not speak with the other person. Listen fully and try and understand where she's coming from.

You don't say specifically what was done to cause this betrayal, but there are times when a friendship will end after one friend feels that they cannot trust the other. It could be awkward for a while if you want to stay friends with both of them. If your friend feels strongly enough that she cannot be friends with you as long as you have this other person in your life, she may end your friendship, too. Or, in time she might see things differently.

The right way to handle this depends on the personalities involved and issue that started the argument. The betrayal may be big enough to end the friendship, or it may just take some time to work through. Continue communicating with both friends until the right solution is presented.