As a Dating Coach, clients ask me all sorts of questions.
But one of the most frequent is a concern about the shortage of men.
One client, Charlotte told me that everywhere she's lived, people tell her there are no available men.
For example, when she moved to Oregon at 32 for graduate school, local women announced there were no single men in town.
Then she moved to Seattle two years later and was told it's a couples place and the locals aren't friendly.
Later Charlotte moved to New York City where the problems of single women are legendary, followed by a move to Connecticut, a state filled with families and married folks.
Next she moved to Spain to discover that her Spanish teacher and friends lament the shortage of men.
Charlotte wanted to know how to deal with hearing that there are no men, wherever she is living and made it clear that she had no intention of moving to Alaska (all those men working on the oil pipeline).
She also mentioned how curious it is that she has never once lived in a place where people said, "Boy, are you lucky! This place is crawling with great, available guys!" I hear you Charlotte - loud and clear! And I appreciate your frustration, but I don't agree with this concept or believe there is a shortage.
Think about other statements that people have made throughout history which were not true: - Everyone said the earth was flat - Everyone said the Emperor's new clothes were fine - Everyone said sky lab would fall on our heads - Everyone said the computers would go wacky for Y2K Did any of these things happen? Were any of these things actually true? No, No, No! In 1987, Newsweek ran an article that claimed a single woman 35+ had a better chance of getting abducted by terrorists than to get married.
I think you know which one happened to me.
I suggest that Charlotte and all other single women ignore what people say.
"They" (whoever they are) don't seem to have a very accurate track record with these type of far-reaching statements.
Instead, take a moment to remember a very important philosophical question: Is the glass half full or half empty? Truth be told, either way it's the same amount of liquid.
The difference is based solely on your perspective.
Whatever you focus on becomes your reality.
I often quote this Universal principle from Hawaiian Shamanism: "Energy Goes Where Attention Flows.
" The question is - Do you want your focus to be "There are no men"? I think not.
Good men exist all around - and PS, you only need one right? The Universe is an amazingly abundant place so heighten your awareness of the abundant aspects by trying one of these exercises: - Count the leaves on any tree (or pine needles during the winter) - Count the stars in the night sky - Count the grains of sand on the beach - Count the blades of grass in your lawn or the park None of these things can really be counted and although each option does have an actual finite number -who can get there? That's the whole point.
There are more available men than you can count, regardless of your location.
Here's the real challenge - how to start looking for evidence to prove there IS AN ABUNDANCE.
This requires shifting your perspective and preventing yourself from falling back on old habits, noticing LACK.
Chances are very strong that you'll start to notice men that you never would have even seen before.
That's because a person's mind will be open to collect new data using this perspective.
And as Martha Stewart says, "That's a good thing.
" I hope this perspective has opened your mind (and Charlotte's) and inspired you to start noticing the great men that are all around every day.
One woman I know met her husband in WalMart - she was walking in and he was walking out.
Another met her husband in the dog park where they both walked their dogs.
Still another met her long-term partner buying sheets in Bed, Bath, & Beyond.
These bits of romantic kismet happen every day, everywhere.
What will you do make yourself available and cross paths with your soul mate? I tell my over 40 dating coaching clients to get out there, smile, be friendly, be grateful and aware of the great catch you are, and enjoy the wonderful life you have.
This will make you highly attractive, get you out there, and help you cross paths with prospects to sort and find the right man.
I did it, and that's why I know you can too.