So you're on a Chinese dating site and the profile of an attractive 30-something Chinese lady caught your attention. She's divorced, with a teenaged son, living on her own, and working a stable job. You're aware that many women in China are still heavily influenced by their parents, particularly by their mothers, especially when it comes to relationships; a Chinese woman's parents' approval is often a requirement before the woman can date a particular man, much less marry him. But reading this woman's online profile, you thought, "Surely, this is one woman who can make relationship decisions on her own." More often than not, you would still be wrong.

While arranges marriages have been banned in China for several decades now, most Chinese mothers still play matchmaker. This is combined with the constant nagging the daughter gets about when she'll be settling down with a man or that she's waiting too long to get married and her clock is tick-tick-ticking! It's enough to drive anybody up a wall! At the same time, when they do start dating, the mother would still have a say on the matter and the man would still have to pass intense scrutiny. Thinking that the entire routine is just a strategy so the daughter will just give up and let her mother choose the husband for her may not be such a far-fetched notion!

If you're a foreign man on a Chinese dating site, you have to be aware that most Chinese women online seeking a foreign man for a husband are doing so because of the intense pressure they are under to get married and/or because they want to keep their dating activities hidden from their mothers. Of course, they are sincere about finding a lifetime partner; they do want to find love, who doesn't? But even with the modern changes that China has undergone, especially the personal freedoms that modern women of China now enjoy, walking away from the shadow of their mothers - a parental shadow which has been a constant throughout the thousands of years of China's history - would be like cutting off a limb for a lot of China's daughters.

What does this mean for a foreign man? A Chinese woman's mother's approval could mean the difference between a lifetime of happiness with the wife of your dreams and grief over wasted months (or even years) spent nurturing a relationship, thousands of dollars spent on travel, and uprooting oneself far from one's family and friends and a stable career. When you feel that you want to become more seriously involved with a China lady you met online, find out if her mother knows that she's dating a foreign man and how she feels about it. Don't settle for vague or evasive answers. If you get the hint that her mother may not approve of the relationship, ask her straight out, but gently, what that means for the future of your relationship; will she be willing to defy her mother's wishes? You should not ask her these questions, of course, unless you are ready to give her the same level of commitment you are expecting from her.

It would also be wise to find out, at this point, what her own expectations are. Dating a China lady and marrying one sometimes means she would expect you to "help" with her and her family's financial obligations. It would be up to you to gauge if this type of situation is acceptable to you, or if it is on the up and up, so to speak. Most modern women of China, however, are independent and financially-stable women; but it would not hurt to make sure if she is still living with her parents and supporting them or are still dependent on them. Again, you should decide for yourself what circumstances are acceptable to you.

At the end of the day, if you and your Chinese girlfriend are on the same page, if you share the same dreams for the future, the next step both of you should figure out is how best to get over the obstacles that may lie in your way.

Learn more about online Chinese dating from other foreign men who share their real-life experiences in highly informative and thought-provoking blogs and forums found only in the most reputable Chinese dating sites, such as ChinaLoveMatch.