Nothing can prepare us for the devastating loss of a beloved baby.
As a bereaved parent you may go into shock, battle with sleeplessness, loss of appetite, inability to retain information, anger, guilt and pain.
You may feel deeply confused.
The most important thing you, as a bereaved parent, need in the first few months is compassion for yourself.
The word compassion means "to walk alongside.
" It involves being kind and gentle with yourself as you renegotiate your life.
I want to suggest some simple ways you can "walk alongside" yourself.
1.
Eat nutritious food.
When you are grieving it is easy to forget to eat or to eat fast foods that will not help you to build up your physical strength.
2.
Try to take a little exercise every day, even if this is just a short walk.
3.
If sleeping is difficult, try childhood remedies like hot milk.
4.
Lower your expectations of yourself, make a list of what is absolutely essential and do just that.
Now is not the time to redecorate your house or take on any large project.
5.
Accept offers of help.
The easiest way to do this is to make a list of tasks, dinners, mow the lawn, laundry, etc.
, and allow friends who offer help to do something on the list for you.
6.
Find a safe way to express your feelings, one that works for you, for example, a journal, a blog, another bereaved parent, a support group or a counselor.
7.
Screen telephone calls with an answering machine.
Take calls when and if you are able and avoid callers you find unhelpful.
8.
If you decide to attend family gatherings during the early days, have a prepared exit strategy.
In other words, have a friend ready to make your excuses for you after you have left.
9.
Get a big wall calender, and write everything on it, especially bills and appointments, so that you don't miss anything important when the days run into each other.
10.
Remember that men and women grieve differently, so do not assume that your spouse is not hurting even though they might express their grief in a completely different way.
11.
Practice how you will describe the death of your baby so that when someone asks you unexpectedly "how many children do you have?" you will have something chosen to say.
12.
Attend your medical check up appointments.
If this is difficult for you, bring a friend to help and support you.
These are twelve simple ways you can use to take care of yourself in the early days as you grieve for your baby.
My thoughts are with you at this time.