I is clearly needed most when we are losing control of our emotions - when we are upset, angry, confused or have any other strong feelings.
This is when it's most important.
Questioning our instincts for action is a feature that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom, but unfortunately, when the atmosphere heats up, many people lose that god given humanity and just become plain animals.
The most vivid demonstration in how our emotions can change was played out in Robert Louis Stevenson's Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
"Man is not truly one, but truly two," he said, and it demonstrates that we humans DO change fundamentally in the heat of passion.
Science has proven that our judgements change profoundly between being in a relaxed state and feeling highly emotional.
In normal circumstances the brain's area of reason (frontal lobes of the brain) performs perfectly fine, but when we feel distressed our emotions (limbic centre of the brain) take control.
Anyone can be 'pushed to the limits', but it's up to you to decide what those limits are, and how you deal with them.
It is my interest to help you stay in control.
Let's say, for example, most people have a fair level of E.
I when they are relaxed and comfortable.
This is how society runs smoothly, when people are 'in control'.
This is the 90/10 ratio.
People have a natural level of control to moderate their feelings.
I'm sure that every day you have a thought or two that, if shared, wouldn't be in the best interests of social harmony.
Anything come to mind? - "I think you're an idiot" -"How dare you say that" Even relatively harmless thoughts like: -"What did he mean by that?" -"Does she like me?" Now imagine if everyone in society was angry, upset and confused all the time.
(Ironically this probably isn't too far from modern day life but stay with me on this.
) Instead of being 90/10 it would be, let's say 95/5.
The balance is tipped and we begin to say things we shouldn't, we begin to make mistakes inadvertently.
Oftentimes, the mistakes you make have been made time and again in the past.
These are habits, or more specifically the phenomenon of imprinting.
Imprinting is a term that was coined by the naturalist, Konrad Lorenz.
Before the term had come about, Lorenz conducted an experiment using goslings.
He knew that newborn goslings became attached to the first living creature that saw.
Invariably this is Mother Goose, but on one occasion Lorenz placed himself on the frontline, and of course, he then had several ardent followers in pursuit of him with an imprint of his face on their eyelids.
In 90/10 mode you're consciously aware of the reality - how nature intended it.
You 'catch' yourself before you make a silly mistake.
In a word, you're proactive.
But when you're in 95/5 mode (angry, confused, distressed...
) your consciousness has lost its natural leverage, and those silly habits come flooding back with a vengeance.
You're now in 'autopilot' mode, fighting for control in a plane that's heading for a crash landing.
The more you try, the more you fail.
There's only one thing that will pull it back up.
James Bond - no.
E.
I - yes.
-"Why did I do that?" -"Sorry, I'm not with it today" "It's one thing learning to steer a manual boat on a lake, but quite another on rough seas.
" So this is where E.
I can be very powerful.
Most of us have at least one point during the day when we are hyped up and stressed about something.
If you could just 'observe' yourself, as if from the third person, during these times, and question how you're feeling, imagine the difference in outcome of every stressful decision you make - especially in terms of health, relationships and money.
Take this idea.
Have you ever noticed that it's easier to remedy others' problems as opposed to your own? The reason for this is that when dealing with your problems you've got a spaghetti junction of emotions to cope with.
When observing someone else's problem from 'outside the fish bowl' you're basing your judgement on logic and empathy which isn't as overwhelming.
This is why it helps to talk to a friend.
So when you know how to control your emotions and see yourself from the third person you are essentially dealing with 'someone else's' problem.
This is a long winded way of saying 'empathy' but it serves to break down quite an advanced aspect of social intelligence, empathy, into small steps.
Does this make sense? All of us experience upset, anger and confusion, but it's our ability to scrape, heave and struggle out of these negative mindsets.
The following example is a very objective way of understanding the mind but it serves as the general idea: 90/10 - Healthy.
-This is the frame of mind successful people STAY in MOST OF THE TIME.
If they fall, they jump back up to 90/10.
-Optimism -With E.
I people can maintain this state -We have the power to question our instincts, habits and hormones 91/9 - Quite normal 92/8 - Just woke up 93/7 - "That wasn't there before" 94/6 - "Get it together" 95/5 - "Not another mistake...
" -People with depression.
-People who are lazy.
-People who are bored.
-People who are afraid.
-Even people with a HIGH I.
Q.
-We can use neutral state to gain composure back (neutral state is explained later).
-We have less control over our bodies and act more on instinct, habit and hormones.
This abstract idea serves to illustrate the importance of controlling your emotions.
You'll find that successful people handle the environment when the going gets tough.
This is innately within all of us, it can be conditioned.
What's important here is that we ALL reside in each of these moods sometimes - it's only human.
What sets you apart is which one you CHOOSE to reside in most of the time.
Action Steps...
- Have you ever made the distinction between your character when relaxed, and your character when stressed?
- Do you see how observing yourself in the third person can help you handle emotions under stress?
- Think about thoughts you've had about people that weren't in the best interests of social harmony.
What if those thoughts escaped? To truly have a healthy mind you shouldn't have negative thoughts of others - thinking negatively about anything makes it your problem.