World domination really isn't what it used to be. I remember (well... not TECHNICALLY. Mostly what I "remember" is from either movies or video games) when one army met another army in a specific location and whoever walked away alive now owned the others territory. No civilian losses (unless the conquering army was full of jerks), not much mess. What a simple time. Sort of. In reality, it's the jerks who give world domination a bad name. But the jerks aren't the only ones to change things. Modern society has changed the way we megalomaniacs should plan our conquests.

For example, coffee shops. Who would have foreseen such a divine gift being bestowed upon mankind?? No longer do our military headquarters need to have such drab colors and stoic atmosphere! They can be relaxing, laden with the aroma of coffee, with ample seating of the finest quality. And what better way to stay alert and energetic? While coordinating your battle plan, you can be sipping a delicious 12-pump-guarana-mocha-adrenal-failure-with-5-extra-shots. Better get the small, being catatonic is counter-productive.

We can also be more civilized. Who challenges others to duels anymore by hitting them with gloves? That's so British Empire. Yawn. Too bad they didn't have me around, I could have really helped them KEEP their empire. Nowadays, just lob a scone at the face of your nemesis. It's a delicious way of asserting your awesomeness.

Another excellent tool is social networking. At no other time in history have so many people massed together in one "location". Think of the recruiting possibilities! You know you already waste massive amounts of time on Facebook anyway, you might as well do something half-way constructive instead of taking a quiz on what vegetable you're turning into. I mean, if you already have 500 "friends" as opposed to a life, they just might be more interested into banding together with you in conquest rather than being told "i stubbed my toe. oh noes!! O_o"

World domination has never been this easy. Were Napoleon alive today, he'd be drooling. And so am I. The new face of world domination is the Internet, headquartered with a laptop and a hot cup of heart failure in your favorite java-smelling addiction dealer. I am here to become known. Why are you here? Get up and do something with that MySpace layout you wasted hours on. The Internet is here to stay, and I aim to tame it.